Feel

At the beginning of 2015 I made a conscious decision to be less shy. My rationale was simple — I felt that I’d held back in the past and didn’t want to make the same mistakes again. While this was pretty hard for the first few months I gradually got more comfortable being open with my feelings. I think the turning point for me was when I realized that I’d rather live with the consequences of saying what I wanted than living with the regret of being silent.

Sitting on a rock near Multnomah Falls this weekend I had a chance to think a bit more about this. Maybe being less shy had lead me to wearing my heart on my sleeve. Maybe I should be more prudent and gauge and understand the situation better, and not not hold back sometimes.

Sure, this might be the more sensible thing to do. But at the end of the day it’s not who I am, or who I’ve chosen to be. Doing so would not be the reflection of the self that I’m aiming to become. I feel that people are less and less honest with each other in our society these days and this makes me sad. While always speaking your heart out is certainly the opposite end of the spectrum, it’s the end that I’d much rather be on.

For now I’m just going to embrace my current outlook and philosophy, be cognizant of the consequences, and move on. Who knows, maybe a few years down the line I realize that I’ve been a complete and utter idiot and decide to keep things to myself again. But today is not that day.

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